Blessings

 

As I walk through the grass I feel the dew on my feet.  It must’ve rained last night, I think, but in the garden beds I see that the earth is dry.  I turn on my rain machine – the garden hose – and spray generously where I recently seeded. 

Walking through the greenhouse, I admire the tall, bushy asparagus.  I turn to look at the green apple cucumbers and think what I read was definitely right when they said they’re slow to start but take off once they do.  I hear the bees buzzing all around.  It’s like music to my ears. 

I pick what’s ready, dropping it into my bucket and walk down to the garden beds.  As I stand down there admiring the beauty of God’s nature around me I watch bees buzzing around down here too.  Picking the bright yellow cucumber, a bee follows my hand straight down into the bucket.  Trod lightly little bee the beans have been planted, I think to myself. 

I walk over to the tomatoes and start to pick.  Right in front of me are black cherry tomatoes ripe for the picking.  They look like a bunch of grapes and I admire them first before plucking them.  The black cherries have come to be one of my favorites. 

I fall into a deep thought.  The garden is where I spend time talking to God -pleading, crying out, praising Him.  As I stand there entranced in my own thoughts I’m interrupted by the youngest girl child asking if it’s time to swim.  "Yeah" I say, "go ahead and start getting ready.  I’ll be up."

 

#145 – 158

watermelon on a hot summer day

early phone calls

books finished

friends visited

 

my own lens

“weeds” with brilliant flowers

giving up (in this case coffee)

waterparks

fresh vegetables

story on tape

paper crafts

His hands

organizing together

making movies to share with friends

 

I’ve been lost from the bloggy world for some time now. I read others blogs, I pray for them when I feel led and I enjoy their writings. I guess, for me, I just can’t write what I don’t want the outside world to know. And anyone who knows me knows I don’t hide things well. My pains, my sorrows, my inner restlestness.

When the tears fall, I retreat. It’s a sad time right now for me. Nothing I want to go into. Just something I must go through – through no fault of my own(And no, it’s nothing life shattering so don’t worry!). Sometimes being an innocent bystander with no control over a situation can be the worst.
So I continue to surf namelessly and read and look. Not commenting, just viewing from the outside. And I read the blog of the photographer with the same last name as ours. Somehow I feel some long lost family connection. Truth be told we may not even be related in any way. I’m sure I’ll never know. He is a talented photographer though and I enjoy checking out other photographers’ work.

And I read other blogs weekly/monthly too – the gardening one, the uplifting one, the missionary in Africa who takes in orphan girls. I like reading them but some days it makes me feel small in such a large world. Like I should be doing more. Being more. Praying more.

I guess I’m just not sure how to be what I dream to be. What I long to be. To do what I truly feel like I should be doing.

*The photos are all photos used/taken for my sister Jody & my photo scavenger hunt. Just thought I’d share a few of them here too

This season

Today as I watched my daughter walk out to get the mail she grabbed a bit of mint to chew on. I thought to myself at that moment, “this is it, this is what I want for them”. I want them to grow up eating herbs and veggies that we grow but I want more. I want them to learn what’s edible in the ground that we haven’t intentionally grown. I want them to know what’s good medicinally for this or that and how to make the concoction needed. I want them to know how to grow a garden and why compost is such a great thing. How to can and what they enjoy most canned.

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I want them to remember their childhood as carefree and fun. To remember eating dandelion and prickly pear jelly and the beautiful colors that shine through their glass jars. The taste of the first batch of strawberry rhubarb jam. The smell of kombucha and the look of the scoby. Jumping in the pool and getting time outs for tormenting younger sister. The summer reading program at the library and washing bugs off tomato plants. Helping mom making hypertufa planters. Learning to sew by making mistakes and using the seam ripper to pull it out and start over. Taking crazy pictures for mom & auntie’s scavenger hunt.

Life is uncertain and short. It’s saddening at times and merry at others. Fun and miserable. It’s a roller coaster that we only get to ride for the few short years we’re here and I think we should try to enjoy it as much as possible. Laugh and cry and run and play. No matter your season right now – enjoy it for what it is – moments slipping quietly away as we stress and worry over all these small things that really, in the end, didn’t deserve that extra attention we gave it.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder what in the world am I doing. Here. With them. I question myself asking if I am doing the right things? I hope. I pray that I am. I know satan uses these moments to his advantage and I hate that I give him that moment.

Sometimes we aren’t in the Word like we should be. At times this leaves guilt marks on our hearts but we really should just pick up and start over. And keep starting over again and again until the guilt is erased and the Words are written in it’s place.

Sometimes I long for more. Of what, I’m not always sure. I realize that maybe God is putting that yearning in my heart to get me to take action. To use the gifts He’s given and to stop being paralyzed by my own fears.

Sometimes I wonder why people aren’t more honest. real. themselves. The ones that are are generally the ones that don’t fit so well into society’s molds. Sometimes I want to fit those molds but mostly, if I’m being honest, I really don’t want to.

Sometimes God puts us in a new place just so we can realize that the place we were before was really where we’re supposed to be. Some of us need this. Maybe those of us that need this are more the Thomas’ of the world.

Sometimes happiness is how you view the world.

Sometimes it really is just hard to know if you’re doing the right thing. And sometimes I think either choice can be the right thing.

Sometimes it takes a true friend to put it all into perspective. At times, God is that friend. At other times, He uses the friends around us.

A Few Verses

Below are a few verses I’ve been on today that I thought I’d share. Have a great weekend!

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10: 24, 25

Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, recieve him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds. 2 John 9-11

Soul Strengthening

The words sting. Pierce through. Sometimes we don’t realize how much until it’s too late. Only speak words that make souls stronger

I read this and it hurts my heart to think that I am not always doing this. Building up of souls. But at times rather I’m the one doing the breaking down. This is not just about my children. As a mother my thoughts first go to them when I read this. But the more I read it the more I realize it’s for everyone in my life. Husband. Friends. Neighbors. Siblings. Parents. Everyone I come into contact with. This is a burden on my heart and something I plan to work on through this year. Only speaking words that make souls stronger.

Note: click on the link above to go to Ann Voskamp’s site and get your free printables

Dreams

Have you ever had one of those dreams that were so real you could feel yourself step back? The ones that expose so much of who you really are that you feel naked and confused? I had one of those dreams last night. I woke at the pivotal part ~ thankfully!! All I could do was pray.

You see, I think God reveals things to us through our dreams. If you read through the Bible you’ll find lots of times when He did use dreams to reveal things. Dreams are not crystal balls telling us what will happen next but I think some very important info gets passed our way through them. When I have a dream like that I have to pray about it and ask God what it is He’s trying to tell me and help me to understand. I don’t always have such vivid dreams but when I do I definitely take notice.

The past few months I’ve had a lot of these dreams. Some that startled me to the point I had to ask for some help in interpretting. Others that I refuse to speak aloud lest Satan hear them. Sometimes I’m thankful that I wake before the end because I don’t want to see what’s coming next.

Sometimes, I think, life itself is like that. We enjoy walking blindly because we don’t want to see the evil all around. We want to pretend it’s not there. That we didn’t notice it. We didn’t see. But is that really what we are supposed to do?

What inspires you?

This question was recently posed to me. Moreso, it was a suggestion on what my next blog post should be. It was suggested that my sister & I write about this topic on our blog but it really didn’t peak her interest. At first it really didn’t peak mine much either. It sounded like a good question that should have a good answer but really a little more like a daunting task. The more I threw this around here and there in my mind, the more I realized that I couldn’t answer this question honestly with one specific thing. The truth is it really depends on the day, my mood, the circumstances surrounding me at the moment. . . Some days I’m inspired by the hope I find in the Lord, someone else’s excitement, a conversation, a book, a photograph, a person, by love, experience, friendship, a feeling, the wind, a place, an animal . . . The truth is that nothing in particular inspires me, but just about everything in it’s moment can inspire me. ~Tina

Really Random Thoughts in the Late Hours

It’s only Monday (I started this post Monday and here it is Wednesday and I’m finally getting back around to it. It’s almost midnight, I’m exhausted and just cannot sleep.) and I’m beat!

The girls, starting with the oldest, have all been sick. Now the only one still fighting it out of the three is M, who actually came down with it last. I hate how you think someone is gonna fight off the attack and then they too catch it! It almost always happens. Guess I should stop being so wishful with my thinking. A friend dropped off some oils that she uses Friday and J (ever the skeptic) even mentioned that they all seemed to get over it rather quickly. Guess we’ll have to invest in some oils ourselves, eh? I’m gonna add the book she uses to my amazon wishlist. It’s a bit expensive but I’m sure will be worth it in the end. Update~ J was the last casualty and thankfully it only hit him like a 24 hr bug. M is still stuffy & coughing but other than that everyone seems to have kicked it.

My oldest seems to be in a baking mood. Maybe out of boredom. Maybe out of hunger for chocolate. Whatever the case she is getting ready to make this, which of course means I’m getting ready to test it. I have to make sure it’s good before feeding it to the fam! If I didn’t, what kind of wife and mother would I be? Seriously. Ok, we made. We tried. And honestly they just didn’t turn out great for us.

Our crazy cat just scared me half to death! I heard pouncing across the floor and all I saw was her shadow carrying her favorite kitty stuff animal that the girls named Oreo. Animals are so strange, but then again, I guess they probably think the same of us too!

For some reason I keep thinking of all the strange little things we learn, or remember, through our years. It can be downright bazaar what sticks in our brain! I remember being younger and my aunt telling me how long it took for her fridge to freeze ice cubes. At the time I thought, “man she needs to get out more!”. Now I could tell you some really trivial stuff. I mean things that make J go why do you know that? Or why would anyone want to know that? But is it something no one should know? I mean there must be a reason I remember these things right? It’s amazing how and what the human brain retains! And why some of us retain certain things that others could never remember and vice versa.

Two days til Christmas and the girls are hardly able to contain themselves. I remember being a kid and the anticipation. Man, it was a killer. I guess I look at it different these days though. They wait. And wait. And wait. And then they rip through their gifts in 10.2 seconds, pick their favorite, and leave the rest behind in the pile of papers littering the floor. I’m sure I did this also but it sure makes one wonder. Or maybe it makes older ones wonder.

I think this time of year is a really sad time for a lot of people. I’ve heard this a lot through my life but I guess this year is the first that it has really sunk in. I’ve been praying for a lot of people who are going through rough times right now whether it be finances, relationships, etc. My heart goes out to so many. And my thoughts are with others that we’ve lost contact with. I hope you have a blessed and Merry Christmas! ~Tina

Some Sage Advice

She said, “hey, you know, sometimes you have to step outside of yourself and look in from the outside. I think when we do that we start to see the ugly. The things we are becoming, the things we hate. It’s time to re-examine ourselves and figure out ways to improve instead of staying on that same broken road. Some of us have a harder time dealing with certain things. Look, I know we all have our issues. I guess it’s just how we deal with it that’s different. I also think there are times when it’s good and right and sane to take your 40 days and step away from things. It helps to put things into perspective a bit. To see things from another point of view. And sometimes just to catch our breathe.”

I think she’s right.